Chapter 1 of 365
010114
010114
New Year. New beginnings.
That's what they always say. But how come my mind is crawling back into the outskirts of the not-so-distant past, placing salt all over my fresh wounds, at the worst timing ever? I should be celebrating, and I did, like three hours ago when the clock struck midnight. However, after an hour or so my thoughts just came running back to the dark side.
Two weeks ago, I had learned that even if certain circumstances get in the way, fate will always find a way to bring two people back to each other, that is, if they are meant to be. And there is not a single doubt about it, they are meant for each other. Totally, absolutely and irrevocably.
I know that I should be happy for them, that was definitely good news, and to be honest, I wanted and tried to be happy for them, because everyone was clearly pleased at how things turned out to be. But, I just couldn't bring myself to appear happy when really I was crushed about the news. It was like there was an invisible force that had wrapped itself around me, constricting my chest, suffocating me. I know it sounds pretty pathetic but that really was how I felt. I even cried about. I'm not proud of any of that.
I guess I was just a background character to their masterpiece story: the girl in the sidelines who had an insane crush on the main protagonist, who, at the height of her stupid infatuation, wrote about her damned feelings for the guy. Unfortunately, the guy didn't like her back. Tragic, yeah. But, the guy went on to meet his girl, and they were going to live happily ever after. And no one would care what happened to the background character; no one would care where she went, who she'll end up with, if she'll ever end up with someone.
Because that's just the way it is. I had thought that there was a small chance that a background character like me would have even just the slightest chance to end up with the hero of the story, but I realize now that I was just pushing my luck. When fate steps in, there's nothing you can do but to stand and watch as it unravels itself in all its sneaky and mysterious ways. You can never interfere with fate.
Perhaps, their story had already been written. Frankly, I think their story sucks. It's so predictable, they're both going to end up with each other, obviously. Everyone is vouching for them, and god knows they even have a freaking fanbase. There may be some twists and turns here and there, but they will get married and have kids and be incandescently happy in the end. How f*cking cliche.
But who am I kidding? Their story is perfect. This is just the jealousy talking. And that's what twists the imaginary dagger that had been punctured into me further into my heart, making the wrenching pain even more excruciating: knowing that you have no right at all to be jealous because he was never yours to begin with.
With all that withdrawn from my chest, I guess it's time for me to begin 2014 with a clean slate. I will no longer let myself string along to false hopes and empty expectations, because in the end, the only person I'll end up hurting is myself. So, screw that, ha.
Hello, 2014. What could you possibly have in store for me?
